Song Awry

In the night, I dreamt that I sought the man I loved. I looked for him, but I couldn’t find him.

So I decided to go out into the city, into the streets and alleys, which confused me because they were unfamiliar to me, and I looked for him whom my soul loved. I looked for him, but I could not find him.

The policemen who walked around the city at night stopped me, and I said to them, “Have you seen the man I love?” But they had not. They only laughed at me.

That night I went to sleep, but my heart stayed awake. I dreamt that I heard the voice of my beloved as he knocked at the door. “Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my spotless one,” he said, “for I am drenched with this rain; my hair is dripping with it.”

I got up from my sleep to open the door for my beloved, but he had turned away from the door. He was gone! My soul went forth when he spoke, but it failed me now and he had gone! I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.

and now...

god i could just spit i'm so tired haven't slept in days and still this gnawing gnarling weight in my gut won't leave me alone i thought that my freedom would bring back my long uninterrupted night's sleep by now but now my days are peppered with wistful dreams about my bed and at night i lay in the self same bed and fear tomorrow a tomorrow without form and without you this loss is greater than i anticipated oh please sleep please come back to me i crawl in and out of each morning more tired and weary and scattered than the last i don't know what will become of me if i cannot sleep i become a tiny empty hollow shell a sick weak frail creature all alone in the dark trying to pull covers over my head and sink my weightless head into a mammoth pillow that suffocates me and chokes me and shakes me awake again and again where is my sleep where is my peace where is my rightmindedness and hope

In Case You Wondered

Sleep: No
Food: Yes
Smile: No
Cry: Yes
Regret: No
Happier: Yes

I Don't Like Your Leaving, Part II

And how will you leave me, my Darling?
My Sweet?
All alone and blue
here in my Shoe
with stop signs around me
but no need to stop
spinning precarious
through streets after dark?

How will you leave me, my Sweetheart?
My Love?
In a big empty booth
your own Sarah Ruth
one shoe on, one shoe off
no smile returned
from folded up cloth
candle unburned?

How will you leave me, my Treasure?
My Dove?
You'll sail off tomorrow
and drown me in sorrow?
I've not forgotten
that you have promised
a column of kisses
for the girl left unkissed.

I Don't Like Your Leaving, Part I

1. Drag from bed, groggy and befuddled
2. Go to work, sit listless and confused
3. Return home, drown in movies or useless reading
4. Cry to sleep
5. Repeat