and now...

god i could just spit i'm so tired haven't slept in days and still this gnawing gnarling weight in my gut won't leave me alone i thought that my freedom would bring back my long uninterrupted night's sleep by now but now my days are peppered with wistful dreams about my bed and at night i lay in the self same bed and fear tomorrow a tomorrow without form and without you this loss is greater than i anticipated oh please sleep please come back to me i crawl in and out of each morning more tired and weary and scattered than the last i don't know what will become of me if i cannot sleep i become a tiny empty hollow shell a sick weak frail creature all alone in the dark trying to pull covers over my head and sink my weightless head into a mammoth pillow that suffocates me and chokes me and shakes me awake again and again where is my sleep where is my peace where is my rightmindedness and hope